During my four years in high school, I had a secret. Here it is: I was mad at God.
My first year at Norco High School, I joined marching band to follow in my siblings footsteps. I was very involved and helped every time it was needed. I loved my life…..until the day I found out my mom had colon cancer.I was heartbroken. I wept and wept so more. I was angry and upset that everything good in my life had turned to dust in just seconds. I remember sitting in my room wishing and hoping that my life would be a fairytale. It did not happen.
My junior year in high school and I got more bad news. My best friend/sister was diagnosed with Leukemia. I just could not handle it anymore. I did not want to show any emotions to anyone so I put on a fake face pretending everything was okay. I asked myself, “why her? Can I take my sisters place?” I wept more than ever realizing that every day is a blessing.
Early this year, 2010, I stopped being fake. I saw my life being used incredible ways by God. I was not mad anymore. Around the end of February my sister got super sick again on top of having Leukemia. I knew what I had to do. PRAY! I remember sitting on the floor next to my sister, who was lying on the couch, and I looked at her remembering our childhood together. Tears began to fill my eyes because out of a leap of faith I asked her if we could pray together. I took her hands in mine and prayed. I knew God heard every word because He used my sister in amazing ways. I am not two faced anymore.
Joseph was sold into slavery by his own flesh and blood but he had something I did not. Joseph had the compassion towards his brothers and hope for a better tomorrow. Instead I was focusing on the negative and not trusting God. When I began to trust God and His plan for me I found that my tears became joyful and thankful tears. I have a confession: I am living Gods plan for my life. I take off my mask and leave at your feet, Oh Lord! Take me as I surrender to you.
Proverbs 3:5
“Trust in the Lord with ALL you heart and lean not on your understanding.”
Avonlea,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that life was so difficult during those years. I agree that they were hard and often felt unfair. It says in James 1:2 "Consider it all joy, my brethen, when you encounter various trials." Those years have brought considerable joy and proof that God was and is still here with us. To praise Him when we do not feel that inside of us is hard, but it extends His love to others because they see how much He cares and loves us. He is always faithful. I would not ever trade those years for easier ones because it has taught me to love more and helped me to become closer to God. He is my Abba, Father. I hear His heart beat and His voice and I feel His warm embracing arms around me when I go through these trials. He loves me and you very much!:) I am glad that the mask is off and you can start receiving all that He has for you with a grateful heart. I love you! Mom